Elul so far

 There have been a few really big things that God showed me so clearly that don't belong in me - things I never even realised I was doing.

    He started the Elul process with me, as He does every year, at about Tu Bishvat, so I was up and running before Rosh Chodesh.

    Each point has an essay attached to it so I can remember what sparked it and exactly what aspect of myself has to change. But it was running into pages, so I sat down tonight to make a concise summary. Well, my summary started off well, but now looks like a spider spun a web all over it! As I write one thing, I'm reminded of another, then a separate aspect of the first, then an addition to the second and so on. My teshuva at the moment feels like a confused muddle. I will try again tomorrow to bring some order to my Elul Book.

    Over the last two days I have taught eight classes. For me that's a lot, since I have to create each lesson individually and I don't use AI. I am grateful to HaShem for the students He's given me and I do my best for them all. It's for this reason that I can no longer pray Shacharit with my friends on a daily basis, though I will get one in where I can. I miss those days. But at the same time, I thank HaShem for sending me Parnasa.

    Many of my students come to me via a platform called SuperProf. There have been a couple of fraudsters lately who have tried getting my banking details, etc out of me, but fortunately I'm a very suspicious person!

    This is the link to the website: https://www.superprof.co.za/

    This is the link to my dashboard:

https://www.superprof.co.za/dashboard.html

    This is the link to where you can see student recommendations and reviews (you'll see them if you scroll down a bit):

https://www.superprof.co.za/dashboard.html/evaluations/references

    Rabbi Alon Anava says we should make an effort to increase in our prayers and Torah study over this period and for the coming year, so I will keep trying to pray the Bedtime Sh'ma EVERY night before I go to bed. I am truly blessed to have friends who pray most Mincha and Ma'ariv prayers with me. I am still trying to organise my mornings into seamless, productive hours, but I find I am still adjusting to not praying Shacharit every morning. I realise though that it's as much a mitzvah to look after myself and the home HaShem has so graciously allowed me to keep living in as it is to study and pray. So after my personal morning prayers, I spend time in the daily aliyah and then concentrate on work at home - cooking, cleaning, gardening.

    Tomorrow I shall, God willing, be chatting to my sister, teaching a Biblical Hebrew lesson, reading the Jerusalem Talmud - we're in Peah now - with a friend - thanks to Sefaria - praying Mincha and Ma'ariv, and praying and chatting to my beloved grandson. This will be followed by Thursday, which will provide me the opportunity to pray Shacharit again for the first time in weeks, followed by the reading of Rambam's Laws of Teshuva with friends, Mincha, teaching an Afrikaans class, getting a visit from Rebbibhim & Daniel (accompanied by my unborn grandchild!), chatting & praying with Juan-Dre, taking a class on the inner meanings of the Torah with Yedidah Cohen, teaching another Afrikaans class and praying Ma'ariv, which will be followed by watching a movie with a friend on Zoom. The other friend who would've attended the movie with us is going to a ladies' meeting at the Chabad house. We asked for a full report as we don't have anything like a Chabad house near us!

    Having had a scary episode in the middle of the night last night, I was doubly grateful to wake up this morning and be granted another day of life on this planet. As I was walking around praying and opening the curtains this morning I asked myself why I want to keep living as much as I do - for we know that whether we live or die, it is for the Messiah - and I reminded myself that if God chooses to give me breath and a heartbeat for another day, I will use it for Him - pray for my children & other family members, my friends, friends of friends - there are so many needs, so many people need God today, so much more than ever. If I can bring just one smile to one face, give just one person hope for the future, point just one person to the Saviour Yeshua, it will be my privilege. Whatever He wants me to do or say on any given day, that I shall seek to accomplish, to bring honour and glory to His Name. That's what we're supposed to do - bring Heaven to Earth. It's how Yeshua taught us to pray - "May Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven". 

Layla Tov!